Okay, folks let’s be straight up here. Everyone knows a happy marriage is challenging enough no matter what the circumstances, right? Life provides its own assortment of growing pains, financial woes and communication issues, but there are some things that can make it even harder. Like what? Well, since you are reading this article you might guess we’re here today to talk about ADHD and
There are several fundamental principles of a happy marriage that simply go without saying. However, we might talk about them a little bit anyway simply because they are critical to the success of a happy marriage.
So without further ado, let’s get started.
If you are not familiar with ADHD and the complications it can bring, please try to understand this is probably at least as difficult for the sufferer as it is for you. Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder can be very trying on a person’s loved ones. The victim is likely hard to tolerate at times due to several reasons.
A spouse may have issues with sitting still, staying on task, perhaps even keeping a job. ADHD comes in different severities and manifests with a variety of symptoms, but it can be very challenging on relationships for sure.
Here are a few ideas…actually 11 of them as we take a look at the tips for balancing ADHD and a happy marriage. Remember these tips are for both partners in the relationship. That means the ADHD sufferer and the non-ADHD spouse. Some of the tips will apply to one of the spouses and some to both.
1. Be Knowledgeable
One of the first things any spouse should do is learn about the condition their spouse is dealing with. Regardless of what that illness or disease process may be, you have to know about it to understand and know how to cope and help them cope as well.
This may require you reading up on the subject of ADHD. You may need to talk to a doctor or even a psychiatrist or psychologist so you can learn to understand why your spouse acts and does some of the things they do like forgetting things they said they would do or
Yeah, we know. This is one of those that you hear all the time. Well, there’s a reason for that. IT IS that important. Communication or lack of it is the main cause for most relationship failures. If couples don’t make time to talk and really listen to one another, they don’t have time to understand each other. In fact, they can’t understand even if they do have the time because they’re not listening to one another.
In the instance of keeping a happy marriage going when one has ADHD, communication is an even more important key to survival and happiness. The ADHD partner must explain and give feedback so their spouse understands how they are feeling. The non-ADHD spouse must be honest and loving when telling the ADHD spouse of any issues they are having with the disease process and the effects it is having on them.
3. Face Time Talk
Yes, we can see your heads turning right now. You’re thinking that communicate is the same as talk….well, not necessarily. Couples can communicate via writing, talking, computers, and a variety of other technological methods. However, face time is critical.
Sitting down with one another and having real honest heart to hearts is critical. During these sessions both spouses should feel empowered to honestly and openly express any positives or negatives they feel are occurring. If there are negatives, then the spouses need to work together on an action plan and get moving on it.
4. Make Lists
This might sound like a funny way to make a happy marriage, but think about it this way. How many of you are happy when the dishes are done, the trash is taken out and the vacuuming is completed? If the spousal team works together and divides up the household chores that need completed, this will minimize the problems in this area.
Even though the ADHD spouse may feel overwhelmed and irritated when there’s a chore list that they can’t remember, the comfort of a planned “honey do list” helps to ease their anxiety related to their own personal responsibilities. This leads to a happier couple because of less stress surrounding normal everyday chores and challenges.
5. Give and Take
This is kind of one of those goes both ways kind of things. The ADHD spouse must learn to take constructive criticism and / or advice. This is necessary because there are times when the non-ADHD spouse may be in the “right” about your lack of or overt behaviors.
Conversely, the non-ADHD spouse must cautiously learn not to behave like an old mother hen. The “mother” is meant figuratively and not literally. Even though ADHD tends to be more prevalent in males, it is nearly as likely the effected spouse could be female as they could be male. So point here is simply that the non-ADHD spouse should not treat the ADHD spouse like a child (no….not as an infant or teenager either). They are an adult and you must few them as such.
Do stuff together! Get active. Whether that activity involves intense physical exercise, jogging, running, bicycling, weight lifting, body building, etc. or maybe it’s swimming, tennis, dancing or something less active like walking, board games, playing cards, etc. Whatever you can do as a shared activity, DO IT!
Of course, physical activity helps a lot! This serves multiple purposes really. You get the health benefits of the activity and the activity burns up some of the energy allowing the ADHD spouse better focus and ability to attend to the tasks at hand. The physical activity will also help with stress relief for both spouses so it’s pretty much a win-win all the way around.
That’s just putting it out there folks. Sex is a multi-faceted benefit kind of like activity. Yes, it helps burn up energy. It also greatly helps to reduce stress and it releases endorphins which help you feel good and relax afterwards.
The mere activity of making love brings the spousal relationship into a closeness that can only be captured at this level. This helps in the bonding and solidifying of oneness helping to create a deeper bond of love, partnership and longevity.
8. Don’t Be Judgmental
This is important for both spouses to remember. The non-ADHD spouse should be careful not to jump to conclusions about forgotten chores, dates, etc. Don’t assume the partner was lazy or forgetful. Well, they may be forgetful at times, but it’s really not their fault. Plan in advance ways to remember important dates so this doesn’t occur. However, don’t jump to conclusions about anything really. Just talk about it.
The ADHD spouse should not be judgmental about their spouse either. They should not just naturally assume the non-ADHD spouse is trying to correct them or keep them in line. The spouse may be genuinely trying to help them. If there is a question, concern or conflict they spouses should stop everything and sit down and talk.
9. Love Your Spouse
Simply put this means, love the person you picked out of all the others and married. You married them for a reason. Don’t try to make them someone they are not. Don’t try to turn them into your “perfect” mate. There is no such thing and since you picked them out, you’ve probably already gotten as close as you are going to get.
10. Ask Questions
If there is something going on that you are uncertain about or maybe even irritated about, ask. If you are questioning or concerned, ask. If you doubt something or truly believe in something 100%, tell and ask.
Don’t ever close up and hold it inside. Talk it out. Discuss it. Figure out the answer together if you don’t know them. Just be open and honest.
11. Be Honest
This is a good wrapper upper. Saying honesty is the best policy sounds so cliché, but we’ll say it anyway. Honesty truly is the best policy when it comes to making any relationship work. Don’t short change yourself or your spouse. Be kind, but be honest.
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So….that wraps up the 11 tips for balancing ADHD and a happy marriage. We sincerely hope you enjoyed our article and come back and join us very soon. Don’t forget there are always new topics, great discussions and plenty of interaction. We look forward to hearing from you soon.
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